Cleaning Out

I don't usually make fun of my parents here, but this one was just asking to be blogged about.  And it'll probably be another week until my mom notices this post, so by then it will be far too late.

This past weekend, my sister, Amy, and her family were visiting my parents.  As usually happens when my sister and I visit our parents, she found herself cleaning out their fridge as they tend to not pay attention not care forget about what's in there.  Since Dave and I will be visiting them this weekend, Amy felt compelled to tell me about her findings. The following is our text conversation:

Amy: I'm throwing out cream cheese with a June 6 2010 expiration date from mom's fridge.  You are welcome.

Me: You are a saint.

Amy: What about sweet hot mustard with a date of 9/10/06?  Seriously?  How could that have slipped by us in the past?

Me: That's exactly what I was going to say.  We just did this in January.

Amy: So it has been in the pantry for 5 years?

Me: I don't know which is worse.

Amy: This is all one piece of candy.  Even stuck to the sides of the tin.

Me: Bwahahahahaha.  Thank you.  For real.  Do you think she'd be mad if I blogged about this? ;)

Amy: She has no idea I have done this.  I think it's pretty funny.

Me: So would J.R.  And since she won't have wireless until we get there, it will be a while until she notices.

Amy: Heeheehee...the candies are Harry and David; she can't throw them away.

Me: Yup, that'd be it.  Ooh, what about the rock candy on the window ledge above the island?  Did we toss that yet?

Amy: Dad is in the kitchen right now. I'll check. There's also a tin of Christmas cookies still unopened.  Plastic seal still on it even.

Me: Those may have come from Grandma.  Which means Mom had a chance to toss them but didn't.

Several hours later, I got this update.

Amy: Rock candy is gone.

We tease because we love.  Besides, what else would we talk about if we couldn't poke fun at our mom?  Love you, Mom!

Cookies and Darts and Cold, Oh My!

I'm a terrible blogger.

I promise to be better.  Even when stupid work and life get in the way of my precious blogging time.

But this is the 100th blog post, so Happy 100, Blog!

Updates:

We had a fabulous time in Pittsburgh.  I have bunch of side stories, but here are the highlights: I totally rocked the bake-off (although Amy did make a good showing).  I made my famous banana bread with a streusel topping, Peanutbutter Bombs as my cookie entry and classic Whoopie Pies.  It was the first time for the Whoopie Pies and they were awesome.  Recipes will begin to be posted in the Cookie Princess blog tomorrow (yup, Kate--that's a promise).

Gooey but delicious

Our Dart Battle Royale was hilarious.  In the past we'd done teams, but this one was really an every man for himself situation.  There were some alliances, but at one point my niece, Elyse, encouraged anarchy.  When little Abi said, "I thought you were on my team," Elyse responded, "There are no teams!"  Hilarious.

Dave & Nate using the "I'll just sit here and shoot whoever I can see" strategy

JR is street, yo

Aidan decided the tree-stand method might be the best attack mode

We even gave my mom a little single shot Derringer-style dart gun.  She had to wait until someone else hit her to reload though.

But the best is the machine gun.  And the fact that my 4-year-old niece took control of that beast immediately.  She couldn't reload it though, so she would hand it to one of the grown-ups (usually Grandpap) and then go around collecting all the ammo.  The gun only held 20 darts, but she would pick up like 50 and bring them all to my dad.  The nice thing about being little was she could go into the battle zone to pick up ammo and rarely got shot.

Power Up

Unloading on Uncle J

Oh, and the Steelers won that weekend.  Also awesome.  Then the Jets beat the Patriots (can't say I'm sad about that).  Then last weekend, the Steelers beat the Jets and now they're going to the Super Bowl.  I'm totally stoked.

Yes we're wearing the same shirt.  No that wasn't planned.  Yes we're awesome.

But then I found out I was living in the arctic.  Seriously, I thought I was going to see penguins outside.  This was the temperature when I went to bed on Sunday night.

And this was when I woke up on Monday morning.

Seriously?  It never got above 0 on Monday.  That's absurd.  So since I really can't complain about the snow (even though we're having storms of 6-10 inches twice a week), I won't hesitate to complain about the cold.  Freakin' cold.  Ug.

Bake Off

While my family was visiting over Thanksgiving, my brother decided to start some trouble.  While playing some games after dinner, somehow we got into a conversation about my baking and then it turned to my sister and eventually someone said, "You and Amy should have a bake off."  To which I replied, jokingly, "I would kick Amy's ass in a bake off."

Never one to let something go, and always willing to instigate something that will bring him food, JR took my phone and immediately texted that comment to Amy.  The following is a transcript of the frezied texting exchange.  Allow me to set the scene:  It's 10:00 pm on Thanksgiving night.  I am at home, having enjoyed a great Thanksgiving dinner, playing games with my parents, husband, brother and his girlfriend.  Amy as at her in-laws, having enjoyed a great Thanksgiving dinner, playing games with her in-laws, husband, sister-in-law and her husband, and there are four children under 7 who may or may not be around or awake.

Amy: No way lady...

Me:  oh, it's on...like donkey kong.

Amy: Bring it...

Me: oh it's already brought

Amy: Is that the eggnog talking? 

Amy: Even Ceil can't help you there. (referring to Grandma's "curse" on Amy)

Amy: Name your medium.

Me: um, cookies...bitch :)

Amy: I knew that...can you do anything else? :-P

Me: fine banana bread it is sucka

Amy: Love you!

Amy: That's fine.  But cookies is good too. Really.  It will be tasty.  I bake banana bread, but I don't eat it.

Me: betty crocker is my homegirl


Me: scared much? sounds like you're backpedaling. :)

Amy: Yes I'm scared.  Can you do a cookie from scratch?  no mixes or refrigerated dough allowed. (seriously?  I'm actually offended by this comment.)

Me: oh no you didn't

Amy:  Or...let's go straight to cake.  Paula deen is my bitch

Me: did karen (Amy's mother-in-law) just tell you to tell me that paula deen was your bitch?

Amy: Love ya...mean it!!

Amy: No.  Walter (Amy's father-in-law) actually.  And Shelley (Amy's sister-in-law)

Me: check betty crocker's facebook wall. you'll find the cookie princess featured.  you still wanna rumble? ;)

Amy:  Yeah why not?  Seriously...how much fun & tasty will that be?

Me: i make sara lee look like a hot dog stand with health code violations


Amy: Margaritas much?  Nobody does it like amy!! (Is this not the most random comment in this entire exchange?  How could I not ask her about her alcohol intake?)

Me:  how jack [daniels] have you had tonight?

Amy: "How jack"? You mean how much? Just one so far.  You?

Me: two yuenglings while cooking :)

Amy: Nice!

And that about ended it for the night.  Thirty minutes of texting ending with confirmation that perhaps we should not engage in drunk texting if were not even drunk.  A few days later we were actually talking on the phone and I explained that it all started because JR had sent the first comment.  And then we both admitted to be egged on by the co-conspirators around us who are really just looking for a means of getting to sample a bunch of yummy baked goods. 

Amy: But really, we should do this. I've been thinking about it.  We could have three rounds.  Round one would be a cookie. Round two would be banana bread.  And round three would be a dessert of your choosing.

Me:  You've put a lot of thought into this.

Amy:  I watch too much Top Chef Desserts.

Time and place to be determined, but looks like next time we get together, some lucky judge is going into a diabetic coma.

Best Fantasy Match Up EVER

This past weekend, my brother and sister went head to head in fantasy football.  It's a rivalry by definition, but JR pulled out the big guns and it may have been the funniest thing I've even seen in fantasy football.

Backing up, you need to understand that I grew up in a family that played games, especially cards.  Years ago, my sister, Amy, was on a pretty good losing streak and one day my grandmother said to her, "Amy, you're a born loser." (We all think Grandma's pretty funny.  Except Amy.)  Years later, we're playing cards and Amy was doing really well.  Since Grandma wasn't at that family gathering, JR took a small picture of Grandma and put it next to Amy, as though to curse her.  And it works.  Amy went downhill from there, and didn't win the rest of the weekend.

So naturally, when JR called me on Thursday night asking for a picture of Grandma, I burst out laughing.  This is what he put up as his team logo:

But better still, is the logo Amy (AKA Keisha--which is a story for another time) has for her team:

 

For real, for real.  So this is what the match up looked like:

JR's slogan was, "Amy, you are a born loser."  And sure enough, he won by 20 points. I'm not sure which is funnier, the fact that Grandma took on Keisha (and won), or the fact that JR pulled out a decade old Grandma curse to win in fantasy football.

Better still, when I told Grandma JR used her curse on Amy, her response was, "Meh."

Sibling Harassment

My brother has never been the neat one in our family. I wasn't either--that role belongs to my sister--but growing up J definitely had the messiest room and to this day is still a little bit of a disaster when it comes to order.

Simulation of J's messy room growing up. And possibly his house now.

So it should come as no surprise that when we all come home to my parents' house that when things are scattered about the house in disarray, chances are high that those items belong to J. In his defense, however, when we went home for our family reunion, he did have to sleep in the living room and really had no one particular area to keep things tidy. Not that he tried, but his options were limited. (See--I can be nice to you.)

J brought his 7 year old daughter, E, and her 14 year old sister, T, with him to Pittsburgh. My sister, A, had been harassing J for his clutter and then came to the conclusion that he might be successful in taking all his stuff home with him since he had a female who could keep track of things with him (T).

Moments later, A was folding laundry in the living room, a hodge-podge of everyone's clothes that needed cleaned from playing outdoors at the picnic grove. She picked up a pair of J's shorts, and in a homage to his housekeeping said, "Whose could these be? J's! Let's fold them like he would!" and promptly threw them in the air. What she didn't realize was that she was mighty close to the ceiling fan and the shorts got stuck on one of the blades (although throwing things into a ceiling fan and letting them live where they land might be one sort of organization tactic. Just sayin'.)


But the funniest part happened after we left. A few days later, Mom emailed us with a list of items that had been left behind at the house. If it hadn't been for the "2 bras and 1 undergarment--stringy" listed among the evidence, the logical conclusion would be the items belonged to J. But alas. The follow up email from A read, " Sorry...I am turning into J after making so much fun of him..."