Looking for Zebras

So my car died.  Well, not completely, but it's not working.  I got off the train last night, walked to my car and unlocked it--no problems.  Then I tried to turn it on and got nothing.  Didn't even pretend to turn over.  I double checked that I didn't do anything stupid like leave the lights on (nope, that was all copacetic).  So I called Dave, mildly frustrated, who was at home and could get to me quicker than a tow truck.

Being handy with cars, Dave of course wanted to investigate the problem a bit.  So he poked around, tried starting the car himself, watched the gauges (as they did nothing) and poked at all the connections and fuses running from the battery and the power distributor.

Hungry and in need of a bathroom, I was growing cranky at the examination.  So I texted Stacy, my one friend who knows about cars and boys trying to fix problems without success.

Me: I love my husband by my car battery seems to have died in the train station parking lot and rather than jump it, he's been checking all the fuses for the past 10 minutes.

Stacy: LOL.  Breath deeply, he's a "c" personality, he's checking all the little things to be sure it's just a jump you need and not a tow.

Stacy: He hears horses but wants to look at all of them in case there's a zebra.

Me: Best. Line. Ever.  I do suppose I have to love him.

I did convince Dave to at least try to jump the car because he was ready to leave without even doing that.  Not wanting to call a tow truck only to find out we could have been done and over with it, I asked if he'd at least try to rule out the possibility.

Me: Well he was right. I do need a tow.

Stacy: Zebra!!!

I laughed and got out of my car-trauma induced funk.  Stacy's good for that.  Plus she's a Spanish teacher who does a wicked funny Russian accent and will whip it out at random occasions with a whole Russian "old country" persona.  Everyone needs a friend who will randomly change accents and pretend to have lived a different life.

Dave and I left the car in the parking lot, went home and had dinner.  Then we called AAA for a tow and headed back to the car to wait.  Dave brought a volt meter this time and confirmed that the battery had plenty of power so clearly the problem was something electrical or with the car's computer.

About an hour later, the tow driver came and essentially ran through all the checks that Dave did and then some.  Eventually he either ran out of ideas of Dave wore him down by repeating, "Yeah, we really just need a diagnostics check, so let's just tow it to our mechanic."  Meanwhile, I texted Stacy again.

Me: The tow truck driver was looking for zebras too.

Me: He did not find any.

Stacy: LOL.  Alternator?

Me: Probably electrical.

Stacy: Bummer, replace 10 fuses cuz one blew.  I hate that!

Me: He checked all the fuses.  It's probably a wire or computer issue.

Stacy: Not a zebra.  A Horse of Many Colors.  Silly boys, mislead by hoofbeats.

Me: I'm imaging you saying this in a Russian accent.

Stacy: Good.  Is much funnier, ja.

I cringed watching him hook my car (unnecessarily--the driver was very cautious) and we drove off to leave our mechanic a reason to scratch his head in the morning about why our car randomly showed up.  I still don't know what's wrong with it, but Dave will talk to the mechanic this morning.  I'm not sure how he feels about horses and zebras.

Monday Morning Soundtrack

So it's Monday and this morning I learned that my train would be up to an hour late, so I decided to drive into work.  Not exactly how I wanted to kick start a work week and a Monday morning, but at least I found out BEFORE I was stuck on the train.

And then things got even better.   I'm a testament to my generation and I love to rock out to the 90s station on Sirius XM.  I usually know all the words and I get to amuse/embarrass Dave with my car-dancing routines. No joke, this is the playlist I enjoyed, in order, for the first part of my ride this morning:

• En Vouge--Free Your Mind
• Pearl Jam--Daughter
• Ice Cube--It Was a Good Day
• Alannah Myles--Black Velvet

And yes, I totally sang along.

Liam Neeson Failed Me

Dave and I enjoy movie night.  On the weekend, at least one night is devoted to sitting on the couch together with a big bowl of popcorn and the latest from Netflix.  Dave doesn't do chick flicks, but that's ok because I LOVE action movies.  I'll watch anything with a car chase or a fight scene (although if it's really bad I'll watch through my hands or look away until Dave says the coast is clear).  I love the adrenaline rush (and the pretty boys...like Jason Statham...sigh.)

So of course, most movies with Liam Neeson are winners.  Taken comes to mind.  Batman Begins.  Even The A-Team because we really liked him as Hannibal.

But wow.  The Grey.  The movie was just bad.  I'm going to give you spoilers because THERE IS NO REASON ANYONE SHOULD WATCH THIS MOVIE.  Seriously, by the end Dave said he was rooting for the wolves.

Long story short: Neeson plays Ottway who is a wolf-sniper for a bunch of oil riggers (? or maybe loggers?  I never really understood their job) in the middle of nowhere Alaska.  He picks off wolves as they try to come near the crew.  They are all done with this particular job, so they get on a plane home and end up crashing in an even bigger middle of nowhere Alaska.  A handful survive only to be hunted by a pack of wolves.  Ottway becomes the defacto leader because he's the only one who has an sense, but then by the end of the movie you realize he's an idiot.  There's a sense of a love story, but it's cryptic and you're left thinking maybe this woman Ottway is pining for is or was his wife and she may or may not be dead now.  Suspension of disbelief is huge in this movie because you're expected to believe that the surviving men are able to brave the arctic elements and still be able to walk, trudge, run and jump their way through the forest for a couple of days.  The don't have the gear they need, have little to no food, no water.  Some of the guys aren't even wearing hats.  But frostbite and hypothermia apparently aren't an issue.

One by one the survivors are picked off by the wolves and/or their own misfortune (read: stupidity).  In the end only Ottway survives, trudging through the woods only to eventually stop and seemingly give up hope. He has a moment remembering his fallen comrades and then looks up to realize he's literally walked right into the wolves' den.  Seriously? 

The movie ends with Ottway prepped to battle what looks like over a dozen--maybe two--wolves in hand to paw (hand to big nasty teeth?) combat.  But they don't actually show the battle.  However, this movie was so bad I know exactly what happened.

He died.

The wolves looked at the blade he taped to his right hand and the airplane alcohol bottles taped and busted to sharp edges to his left, laughed, and then lunged at him and ate him to death.  Because by this point even the wolves were bored with Ottway and his gang of misfit survivors.  No really, I'm pretty sure the Alpha Wolf was like, "Really, dude?  This movie's gone on way to long.  You really should just succumb to the elements and let us eat you.  And how dumb are you to walk right into our den.  Did you not notice that there were more of us the further you "ran away"?  Who put you in charge?  You're a terrible leader."

We had to watch this over two nights, a week apart.  Halfway through the movie, I turned to Dave and said I didn't think I could watch anymore that night.  Then we kind of never made time to watch it until the following weekend when we wanted movie night again.  Apparently neither of us wanted to finish watching it but didn't really say so.  So we ended up watching the rest in spite of ourselves only to turn to each other and say immediately as the screen faded to black, "That was a terrible movie."

So apparently Liam Neeson isn't as awesome as I once thought.  But I found a mentor for him.  Without giving away any spoilers, I think Neeson should watch The Bourne Legacy for a true lesson in how to deal with wolves.  After all, Bourne is our generation's 007 and might be my favorite action movie franchise...until I get obsessed with something else.

I'm Sorry I Made You Cry (Not Really)

This is an apology to my friend Lisa. Except that it'll probably make her cry again.  And I'm not actually apologizing.  But it's not my fault--she's pregnant and hormonal.

My dear, dear friend Lisa is having a baby!  I'm so excited for her and her husband Larry.  Their little girl is due at the end of September.  When Lisa texted me an ultrasound picture in March, I bit back a scream (Dave knew immediately from the gasp when I said it was a message from Lisa and since we were in the car--he was driving--he kindly asked me not to scream to loud), called her immediately and told her it would be a girl.  I could just see her looking at me funny through the phone and wondering why I thought that, but I knew.

See, in January after my Mom passed, I took all her crochet materials, yarn, unfinished projects, and brought them home.  As I started going through them, I found the very beginnings of a pink baby blanket, including the large ball of pink baby yarn and the pattern for a beautiful blanket.  My mom had always made a crocheted blanket for every baby--no matter if it was the first, second or fifth baby, family, friend, coworker or acquaintance--a blanket for every baby.  It's a tradition I started once I learned to crochet and my own friends started having babies.  Racking my brain, I couldn't come up with anyone she may have known who was expecting, or at the least who was far enough along to know they were expecting a girl.  But for some reason I was compelling to finish the blanket because clearly it belonged to some little girl...eventually.

Fast forward two months later but I couldn't tell Lisa why I knew she'd have a girl.  Then in May she told me my prediction was right, and still, I wasn't ready to tell her why I knew in my heart of hearts that Lisa would soon have a daughter.

Since Lisa lives in Florida and our friends are scattered everywhere between here and there, a traditional shower just wasn't logistically possible.  So I did the next best thing and enlisted our friends to quite literally shower her with presents, all shipping her our gifts in the same week.  So I put together a package of adorable outfits, a book, a stuffed moose (Dave had to pick out something), a few things specifically for mama-to-be, and this blanket.  I included a note to the baby, as well as a note to Lisa where I explained the origins of the blanket and why my convictions were so strong.  I will say, for my part I did write a line in the card to tell her to stop crying, it was just the hormones.

So yeah, I got a text from Lisa, scolding me and telling me I was in trouble.  But that's ok. Sometimes the only way to tell a friend you love them is to make them cry.

Let's Just Move On: Summer Reading Volume 2

Hi.

Well that was awkward, but let's just move on. It's been hot, busy, but generally unexciting.  As evidenced by the fact that I read the following books.  I actually thought I'd read more, but I don't remember what titles those would have been.

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Young Adult fiction but super funny and a little bit of a social commentary on the commercialization of everything, including ourselves.  The contestants for a teen beauty contest are in a plane crash that leaves only a few of the young ladies survive and suddenly their talents for baton and dance are the only skills they have to keep them alive on the island.  A quick read, like a funny version of Lord of the Flies with girls, glitter and lip gloss.

Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women's Prison by Piper Kerman

I was skeptical because I didn't want this to turn into a social commentary of the prison system--I was truly interested in the day to day of what it's like for a white woman of privilege to experience prison.  While Kerman does acknowledge her experience is unlike that of her peers because of her skin tone and the support (and money) she has from her outside world, her time in prison was by no means easy and it certainly wasn't puppies and rainbows despite her stay of about 15 months (far shorter than many of the women she introduces in the book).  I appreciated that Kerman took the time to talk about the good and bad of the system (and those employed to run it), but didn't dwell on any of those things at the expense of telling the story of the experience.

Maine (Vintage Contemporaries) by J. Courtney Sullivan

I loved this book.  Four women spanning three generations of one family tell their tale of how they view their family and relationships, all centering around the time they spend at the family beach house in Maine.  The story is told from various Catholic points of view (both religion and guilt) and the matriarch story alone is enough to keep you reading.  Sullivan writes beautifully and gives just enough of a hint at why each woman became the adult she is without giving it all away at once.  Definitely a good read.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok

Wow.  Supposedly fictional, but read the author blurb on the book jacket and you'll wonder if Kwok simply changed names and minor details about her own life.  A young girl and her mother immigrate to New York City with literally the clothes on their back and what fits in a suitcase.  It's never specified, but I suspect the time frame is the late 70s to early 80s.  The mother's sister makes arrangements for their immigration, thus leaving them indebted to her while their work in her sweatshop.  The protagonist, Kimberly, struggles to learn in school despite her limited English (her mother speaks none).  It's a beautiful tale about being different, being poor, and being unable to give up the traditions of one's heritage.  It's also a harrowing tale of the same things.  You will be moved by this book.

The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb

This book moved me like nothing I've read since the last time I read a book by Lamb, She's Come Undone.  Seriously, I can't describe the emotion involved in reading this book.  A married couple employed at Columbine High School in April 1999 is separated on the one day that changed their lives.  Caelum flies to the East Coast to tend to a sick relative less than 48 hours before his wife is forced to hide in the library of the school when two students go on the attack.  But aside from the emotional impact of that attack on this couple, the story is full of a history of family and secrets and how you move on in the face of the unexpected.  This is not a happy story, but I will likely ponder this story often and anticipate I'll read it--and cry in the same places--again.

Gods in Alabama by Joshilyn Jackson

What happens when you make a promise to never go home?  Ten years after Arlene makes that promise, she's faced with going back home to deal with secrets she's been hiding ever since.  I really liked this book. It was a quick read and really went into family dynamics (read: family misunderstandings) and the struggle to be independent but still tied to family.  Great beach read.

Barefoot: A Novelby Elin Hilderbrand

I went to the library looking for another book by Hilderbrand but since they didn't have it, I picked up this one.  Such a good choice!  Three women, two sisters and a friend, flee to the family summer home on Nantucket to spend the summer escaping each of their own demons.  A young college student enters their life and he helps them through their various struggles while they unknowingly help him with his own.  There is one story line that is a bit far-fetched, but the rest of the book is so good it's easy to let that hyperbole go.  It makes those parts a little more fun and ridiculous which makes up for the couple pages that leave you crying.

Then Came You: A Novel by Jennifer Weiner

Yay, more Jennifer Weiner!  Loved it.  Another tale of four women (seriously, I hit a goldmine of the intermingled lives of women).  This time it's the story of how a little girl is born through the help of an egg donor, a surrogate, the twenty-something half-sister and the gold-digger who would be mother.  No the ending I expected, but in hindsight, it is the perfect ending.

True Confections: A Novel by Katharine Weber

Totally fun.  The whole story is a deposition from the Christian woman who married into the Jewish family candy business and felt more at home (despite the challenges of fitting in with the family) there than in her old life with her own family.  Alice tells it like it is, doesn't filter or hold back, and even puts details in her deposition that she probably shouldn't.  And she definitely tells the story of the family and it's business wildly.  From arson to family secrets, the story unfolds as Alice explains why she is more entitled to the business than any blood-born family.  It's clever, although parts a little long in the tooth. But you'll keep reading because it's fun and Alice will hint to things that you want to know more about.

Women About Town  by Laura Jacobs

I picked this up on whim (like I did successfully with True Confections).  I really didn't like it.  I should have stopped after the second chapter, but I didn't.  Then I got so far into it that I felt I had to finish or the boredom of the book would win.  The story centers on two women in New York City, with chapters alternating the protagonist.  But it takes until the last few chapters for the women's lives to cross, so I felt like I was just reading two books a the same time, and one of the characters was far more interesting than the other.  I won't write off Jacobs, but I would suggest putting this one back on the shelf.