Best Fantasy Match Up EVER

This past weekend, my brother and sister went head to head in fantasy football.  It's a rivalry by definition, but JR pulled out the big guns and it may have been the funniest thing I've even seen in fantasy football.

Backing up, you need to understand that I grew up in a family that played games, especially cards.  Years ago, my sister, Amy, was on a pretty good losing streak and one day my grandmother said to her, "Amy, you're a born loser." (We all think Grandma's pretty funny.  Except Amy.)  Years later, we're playing cards and Amy was doing really well.  Since Grandma wasn't at that family gathering, JR took a small picture of Grandma and put it next to Amy, as though to curse her.  And it works.  Amy went downhill from there, and didn't win the rest of the weekend.

So naturally, when JR called me on Thursday night asking for a picture of Grandma, I burst out laughing.  This is what he put up as his team logo:

But better still, is the logo Amy (AKA Keisha--which is a story for another time) has for her team:

 

For real, for real.  So this is what the match up looked like:

JR's slogan was, "Amy, you are a born loser."  And sure enough, he won by 20 points. I'm not sure which is funnier, the fact that Grandma took on Keisha (and won), or the fact that JR pulled out a decade old Grandma curse to win in fantasy football.

Better still, when I told Grandma JR used her curse on Amy, her response was, "Meh."

Chiquita the Destroyer

Remember when I said that Chiquita was really gentle and hardly chewed on her toys?  Well, it turns out she doesn't like nubby things and when she's bored, she'll pull them off of whatever they are on.

See, when we first got her, she had this rubber chew toy shaped like a bone and attached to a rope.  I can't find it online, but the ends had little nubby things on them, sort of like this:

photo courtesy of petco.com

After 2 days, she decided she didn't like the nubby things, so she took them off.

Essentially she tore the whole thing apart trying to get the little nubs off.

And then she never chewed anything again.  Even when we bought her new (none nubby) chew toys.  But this weekend, while visiting with friends of ours, she was laying on a fluffy flannel blanket that had textured threads (nubby things) in it.  But since she doesn't like them, she tried to take them off.  She was stopped early on, and once her regular blanket was on top, she forgot all about the nubs.

So imagine our surprise the other night when cuddled up on her blanket, licking her sweet baby, Purple Monkey, she suddenly began to chew off Purple Monkey's nubby nose.  And left ear.  As well as licking off both eyes (that one is confusing, yes.) 

She's always been so sweet, gentle and loving to Purple Monkey that all I could think of was that he did something wrong and was being punished!

Oh the humanity.  Purple Monkey, what did you do to deserve such treatment?

What we've learned is that when this pup is bored, she'll start to chew nubby things.  So we have two solutions--no toys with nubs and we need to keep her mind active.  I'm beginning to think this was all a ploy for her to get more treats out of us for command training.  On a positive note--I have my own LOLdog to end with.

I think I destroyed my baby.

Sunday Night Football

This weekend Dave and I visited my parents in Pittsburgh. While we were there, we went to a Sunday night football game at Heinz Field between my beloved Steelers and (one of) my favorite team to despise, the New England Patriots.

So disappointing.

Heading into the game, we were stoked and ready for a great match-up.  The crowd wasn't as into it as I'd hoped, but I figured they'd come around. Some of them probably weren't regulars since it was a night game, and maybe they just need a few good plays to get rowdy.

But alas, the Steelers had some terrible flaws.  I won't dwell on the lack of first downs or how the wide receivers couldn't hold onto the ball.  Or how Troy Polamalu read nearly every single play opposite and was never on the correct side of the field.  Or how the defense forgot to put coverage on any of New England's wide receivers.  We will discuss none of that.

Instead, we will discuss the six jagoff New England fans that had the seats in front of us.  Oh. My. God.  Completely obnoxious.  And they weren't even drinking. 

Now I've been to a lot of games (my dad has been to a lot more), and it's not uncommon for someone rooting for the opposing team to be sitting nearby.  And 98% of the time, it's a cordial environment where they recognize they are in the opponent's home, and while they can be excited for the team, they should be respectful.  Even Cleveland Browns fans understand that.

But these guys were so obnoxious, disrespectful, and just plain irritating.  Well, except for one.  He wasn't bad.  The guy in front of me, however, was President of the I'm a Jerk 20-Something Guy from New England club.  The type of Patriot fan who thinks Tom Brady is the second coming, and only likes football because New England is doing well.  Once the Patriots lose a few games, all sports energy will be focused on the Red Sox, Celtics or Bruins (in that order).  He reminded me of every guy I see in Harvard Square who will walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk, run into you, and they yell at you for being in the way.  Cocky, over-confident and needing to be taken down a peg.  (By the way, this was my opinion even before the scoring started, so trust me when I say these observations are not because I'm bitter at the loss.  I'll be the first one to tell you the Steelers played terrible football on Sunday night.)

So Captain Jagoff and his cronies are starting to tick me off. My reaction was to shut them up by rendering them inaudible.  So I cheered.  And yelled.  And screamed for my team.  Yes, I'm hoarse, but I don't care.  I was louder than them and at least I can say I cheered for my team regardless of how they played.  Dave told me later that apparently they were laughing at my cheers and even recorded them.  Frankly, I don't care, but it does illustrate my point--how much can you be focused on the game and cheer for your team when you're allowing yourself to be entertained by a chick in a pink coat and hat?

The worst was when my dad practically had to hold me back from completely ripping them a new one.  They committed the cardinal sin of standing up while play was going one and then not sitting down when asked (politely). 

Me:  Sit down, I want to see the play.

Captain Jagoff (still standing): It was a fair catch, it's ok.

Me: No it's not ok, sit down so I can watch the game.

Captain Jagoff: What? It's a football game, I can stand.

Me: No, I paid as much for my seats as you did for yours, so when I ask you to sit down, please do it.

Then another one of the charter members for jerkiness chimed in.  And then, before I stood up to give him a real piece of my mind, my dad stepped in.

Dad: Sit down, turn around and watch the game, or I'll have you thrown out.

Jagoff Junior: Why?  What I do?

Dad: Just turn around or I'll have you thrown out.

Captain Jagoff (Best line ever): Dude, he knows someone in security, chill out.

This was good, since I was one step away from going to get a security guard.  Although Dad's comeback line would have been, "Yeah, my son's the Head of Security."  A total lie, but these jerks would've bought it.

They continued to be jerks and Captain Jagoff tried to get a rise out of me when we left by calling after me, rubbing in the pain from the loss, but I didn't give them the satisfaction.  If only because it would have cost my parents' their season tickets when I punched him in the throat.  At least I had the dignity to not stoop to their level.

But does drive me crazy that even at Heinz Field, I couldn't shake the plague of the jerks riddled throughout New England.

Cookie Carnage

We are terrible foster puppy parents.

Not only did we teach our puppy the word cookie, but now she is thief and possibly needs to be enrolled in an overeaters program.

Last night Dave and I were going to a meeting for our foster group, All Dog Rescue.  The group usually has a potluck dinner before the meeting.  Since I knew we weren't going to be there for dinner, I figured I'd take some cookies for dessert.  I pulled a bag out of the freezer and left it on the kitchen table for Dave to bring with him when he picked me up on the way to the meeting.

Yesterday afternoon I get a call from Dave.

Dave: Um, we're not going to be able to have any cookies tonight.

Me (instinctively--is this what being a mom is like?): What did she do?

Dave: She got the bag of cookies off the kitchen table.

Me: Oh no!  How many did she eat?

Dave: All of them.

Me: WHAT?!  That's 3 dozen cookies!

And the conversation goes on.  We've been trying to get Chiquita used to the idea of being in the house alone for short periods of time, without being in her crate.  It's part of the training to help her be more adoptable and succeed for homes that may not want to crate her.  Apparently Dave had left for 10 minutes, but failed to notice the bag of cookies on the table.  And since she knows that's where she can find cookies, it didn't surprise me at all that she got them.

The good news is that they were oatmeal cookies with cranberries and apples, so the worst thing in them was the sugar.  And the fact that she ate 3 dozen of them.

I was concerned about her getting sick, so I call Dave again, and just to make sure she was ok.

Dave: She's fine.  She hasn't thrown up yet, so she probably won't, and I'll make sure she gets outside.  Right now she's just curled up in a ball, being all shameful.

Me: She should be shameful.

Dave: Well, actually no, she's curled up in a ball, being all fat and happy.

Me: So, she's in a food coma.

She ended up not getting sick, thank goodness.  Dave found the other bag of the same cookies in the freezer and we were still able to take them to our meeting.  And when we got there, we were pleased to hear that another foster dog had eaten a chocolate cake that had been intended for the meeting.  At least we're not the only ones with a food driven dog.

We brought the leftover cookies home.  Wouldn't you know, she tried to get them while we were standing right there?  As though 3 dozen wasn't enough.  They are safely out of her reach, but we'll be even more vigilant now that we know she won't quit when it comes to cookies.

I Didn't Mean To

This weekend I spent a lot of time (ok, practically the whole weekend) making cookies.  This of course piqued Chiquita's interested with the noises, my activity in the kitchen, and of course the smells.  She's experienced a cookie baking extravaganza before, but this weekend was pretty intense.

She's generally pretty good, listening when I tell her to get out of the kitchen or back away from the oven when I open it.  She doesn't lunge for anything, although she will sniff at the table when the freshly baked goodies go onto the cooling racks, and she does enjoy laying down near the warm oven.

Are these cookies for me?

A few weeks ago, I had made a couple of recipes and then left them on the cooling racks while Chiquita and I went for a walk.  We came back and she was quite worn out and had been well-treated. Dave was out of the house for the day, and in a moment of stupidity, I went into the bedroom to take off my shoes.  And then I remembered I'd left a highly food motivated dog in the kitchen with 8 dozen cookies on the table.

And it was quiet.

I called for her, and didn't hear a sound, not even her nails as she walked across the kitchen floor.  I ran into the kitchen only to find her bent over the floor, surrounded by crumbs.  And then looking up at me with a pathetic look on her face, head tilted and ears back, as if to say, "I'm just sitting here, not doing anything bad."  And then she vacuumed up the rest of the crumbs.

It actually took me a while to figure out where she got the cookie from, because she didn't disturb the cooling racks at all.  And since Dave and I are only training her with positive reinforcement, it was too late to discipline her.  So I called Dave and told him he had to come home because his dog stole a cookie and now he couldn't have any.

I presume it was only a matter of time, but apparently during this weekend's cookie explosion, I inadvertently did a bad thing.  I taught Chiquita the word "cookie."

Last night after dinner, I was cleaning up dishes.  Cookies were again on the cooling racks and Dave was in the living room.

Me (to Dave): Do you want a cookie?

Chiquita (according to Dave): Head raises up and ears are perked.

Dave: She's not talking to you.

Me: What's that?  Do you want a cookie?

Dave: Yes, please.

At the same time, Chiquita jumps up from her blanket and scurries into the kitchen.  The scurry was pretty hilarious because we have laminate flooring in the living room and she couldn't get any traction coming around the corner since she was moving so fast.  After all, she was coming for her cookie.

Dave was hysterics because he connected that she now had expanded her vocabulary to include the word cookie.  So we had to test it.  We each kept asking her if she wanted a cookie and she kept going back and forth to whoever said it (oh, stop--it wasn't torture.  We gave her one of her own cookies that I had made for her.)  It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Except now I feel bad that I have to update her Petfinder.com listing to include she knows commands such as sit, stay, wait, leave it, and cookie.

Mama Chiquita

When we first met Chiquita, we learned she had been spayed by the shelter.  And while no one confirmed it, everyone (Lisa and Donna from All Dog Rescue, Pam from the shelter, us, even friends who have met her since) was pretty sure that despite her young age (about a year) she's already had puppies, based on the size of her nipples and some other physical traits.  

As we've gotten to know her we think more and more that this must be true.  Additionally we think she was separated from them way too early because one of her most interesting behaviors is her gentleness.  She doesn't play into the stereotypical behavior of a pit bull by being aggressive. In fact, we have a hard time getting her to play with some of her toys.  The first toy we had for her, given to us by All Dog Rescue, is a purple monkey.  We're pretty sure she thinks it's her puppy.  She keeps it in her crate and will occasionally bring it out to sleep on her blanket.  But even when she carries it, she's very gentle and carries it like a puppy, walking very slowly with it in her mouth and barely holding it in her teeth.  When she goes to bed at night, she snuggles next to her monkey and gives it a couple of licks before settling in.

Chiquita going to bed with her purple monkey and her pork chop

Other soft toys are the same way.  She stole my stuffed moose off the bed (long story short--she's not allowed in the bedroom but apparently the door wasn't shut all the way and she got in there, up on the bed and when she found him, she thought he was her puppy and took him).  Dave found her carrying him ever so gently, and when she was caught, she carefully laid him on the floor. 

In decorating for Halloween, I was hanging a little stuffed bat in the doorway.  When I accidentally dropped it, she immediately picked it up and took it to her blanket.

Why is the bat so high up? I can't reach him.

She will play with other things--she has a tennis ball for the yard and loves to find sticks (we're still working on the actual concept of fetch), so it's not like she doesn't play like a dog at all.  But the soft fluffy things are special.  Even when she meets other dogs, if given the choice to play with a dog her size or a little one, she'll go for the little one.

For our anniversary, my darling nephew Aidan and niece Abi picked us out a very fun gift.  Except Chiquita thinks it's for her.  We received two Kung Zhu Battle Hamsters (Drayko and Azer for those of you keeping score at home).  They are part hamster/part ninja, so clearly the perfect gift for me (and Dave).  They are pretty hilarious, but immediately Chiquita thought they were the best toy ever.  

For your enjoyment:

After several minutes of Dave and I torturing her by setting them up again and again, she'll eventually pick them up and move them to her blanket.  We like to think of it as her babysitting and she's having a hard time getting them both to bed.

She loves playing with these, despite her confusion as to why they keep moving after she's told them not to.  It definitely feeds into her maternal instinct.  And it's so much fun to watch.

Pumpkins

In preparation for the trick or treaters Sunday night, Dave and I did a little decorating.  We have a few lights, some small decorations and of course, we carved pumpkins.

We take our pumpkin carving pretty seriously.  Dave is really good at it and I've definitely gotten better.  Last year we bought two sets of tools so that we don't have to fight over them.  And we probably spent more time that necessary trying to decide what to carve on our pumpkins.  But the end result was pretty good.

My Pumpkin

Dave's Pumpkin

Not bad, huh?  We got some comments from the kids that came by.  Unfortunately it was really cold and windy on Sunday night, so we only had about half of the number of trick or treaters we usually get.  We started giving out by candy by the handful (to costumed kids only), but we still have a bunch left over.

We were a little disappointed in the kids' costumes this year.  While some of the kids had costumes we couldn't see completely because they were covered in coats or sweatshirts, others just seems to be wearing sweatshirts. Some at least put on a mask. Quite disheartening to see a lot of people not even bother to try; just knocking on doors for candy.  But there were a few good ones--two brothers as a ninja and Optimus Prime.  Another girl was a nun.  A few princesses and one girl had a great Sheriff get-up.  And all of them got a little extra candy from us.

Halloween Redux

Saturday was our Halloween fun night.  We had a blast.  Our friends Stacy, Rachel and John all came over for dinner.  Stacy had to leave early since she had to get to work at a bar near our house (like down the street near our house), so we promised to come by and see her with our costumes on before we went to the party.

After at least thirty minutes in the bathroom applying my make up with the help of makeupgeek.com (Thank you!), I got my costume on and emerged victorious, despite only having fake eyelashes on one eye because the other kept falling off.

Dave was Mr. Freeze.

Rachel was super excited to be a Sheriff, what with pink guns with ponies on them that made noise.  And John was a great Bill Lumbergh (you know, the boss in Office Space--come on, he looks great!)

Once properly dressed (well, maybe not so proper--it was cold outside and, well, I was dressed up as Catwoman), we headed to the bar to meet Stacy.  We had a few drinks and got to see her in her costume as a cancan dancer, which she hadn't finished putting on before leaving our house.

Everyone looked great, and then our friends Cindy and Keith called to say they would meet us at Stacy's bar, instead of another one we'd planned on.  Cindy is our costumer and made costumes for Dave, Keith, Stacy, our friend Erin, me and herself, among others.

Cindy absolutely outdid herself.  Not just with making so many costumes (she is to costumes as I am to cookies), but her own costume might just be the most amazing thing I've ever seen her make.  It was amazingand I love it.  The absolute best Queen of Hearts.  Initially we were all supposed to be Batman villains (hence Dave and I), but Keith really wanted to be the Mad Hatter, and I'm so glad they went with it.  They looked fabulous.

After another round, we headed to another bar and met up with Erin, who Cindy transformed into a sailor.

They love us at this bar, and the manager took a great shot of us.

We finally headed over to the Knights of Columbus for a party.  It's totally random, but these two guys have been renting out the place and getting a DJ for about 6 years.  It's always more and more crowded and this year it was packed.  We met up with Erin's boyfriend, Adam, and just had a great time dancing and talking to people.

They always do a variety of costume contests.  Last year Dave was in the Best Overall (as opposed to Most Creative and Sexiest) Contest as Beetlejuice and came in second.  This year, Keith made it to the Best Overall Contest.  And again, he came is second.  First place went to Pinhead, which was at least interesting and well done.  I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I don't think it was a mask.

Although there were two guys (I guess they were guys) who had costumes I loved.

Aren't they great?  The Yip Yips from Sesame Street!  Look at how great those costumes are:

from sesamestreet.com

It was such a fun night, as always.  Eventually we got tired of the crowd and decided to head back home.  Rachel and John spent the night with us, and we invited Cindy and Keith back too.  On the way home, we got the late-night drinking munchies, so I ended up making pizza and mini-muffins at 1:30 in the morning.  We ate, watched part of a terrible Halloween movie, and finally called it a night.

Now it's time to think about next year's costumes!